The Heartbeat

posted in: Family, Journey of Love | 0

This posts was origionally posted in LittleMissDorasWorld.com

Dora was eight weeks old, in my mom’s womb, it sounds silly saying in her womb when she taught me my first lesson. Life is precious, and even the tiniest little person can have a the strongest heartbeat with a lot to say.

Before my mom became pregnant with Dora, my life lacked ambition and smart choices. I was in my second year of college, but I had no idea what I was doing with my life. I got myself in a tangle of obstacles that I’m too embarrassed to talk about. Don’t worry it’s not drugs or alcohol, I had gotten myself into a long distance relationship with a not so good person, and it’s not worth talking about.

I was on track for pre-med, my whole life I thought that I wanted to be a doctor until I began volunteering at a hospital and realized that I couldn’t handle it emotionally. I was too afraid to tell my family that I didn’t want to be a doctor since everyone had such high hopes for me. Instead of discussing my options I stayed quiet for two years and kept on forcing myself into a web of lies. I kept making one bad decision after another, not caring about my classes or my life. I held onto a sick fantasy of living a life with someone who I didn’t even know. My life choices lead to constant conflict with my family members, the siblings who had looked at me so highly now patronized me, I was at my all time low.

It wasn’t until I went to that first ultrasound with my mom, I heard Dora’s heartbeat for the first time; thirty-six beats per minute! The doctor told me she was strong; she was just a tiny little peanut, but she had a lot to say.

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Her heart beat said it all, “Life is precious, I’m just a tiny little thing, but I’m going to be strong one day, and I’m going to need you!”

She was growing strongly in my mother’s womb, this new life, my second chance!

A couple months into my mom’s pregnancy the doctors discovered that she had a kink in her kidney, their first suggestion was to abort the baby! I don’t want to open Pandora’s box on my stance on abortion, but when I heard that Heartbeat! I just couldn’t do it. That little peanut was waiting for me!

I begged my mom to keep the baby; I think my mom knew that I needed Dora more than she needed me. She promised to keep the baby alive for me. My mom has saved my life many times and never given up on me, but Dora was the greatest gift she could have ever given me.

For the remainder of the pregnancy, my mom had six surgeries on her kidney, each time the doctors took extra precautions to keep Dora safe. They inserted stents into her kidney multiple times but as Dora grow she kicked at the stent causing massive bleeding. My mom’s final treatment was using a Nephrostome bag. (This was a pipe that inserted through her backside into her kidney. Since one kidney was not functioning, her urine would filter out into the bag. I was at UW-River Falls and could only come home on the weekends. That’s when my mom was able to shower. We had to put a shower guard on the tube so it wouldn’t get contaminated. The one time I couldn’t be there, my dad placed the guard, and my mom ended up in the hospital. That’s how much my mom suffered for me to keep this baby alive. (She never gave up, and either did Dora!).

When I came home every weekend, it was a burden for my dad. I didn’t know how to drive, I would manage to get rides from friends, but I needed someone to bring me home. He wasn’t too happy about it, but I needed to be there for my mother and that tiny baby growing inside her.

As Dora grew inside my mom, she always gave me secret hints that she was going to be ok. My mom recalls times when she could feel Dora moving inside her, the minute I would talk, Dora would stay still until I was done talking. If I left the room, she’d kick my mom’s stomach until I returned. There were times when I would speak to my mom’s womb, and I’d see a tiny little knee or foot imprint pushing through my mom.

It was her, “I’m here Ishika, don’t worry, I’ll be out soon!”

The anticipation of meeting Dora was what kept me going. I stayed in the hospital with my mom every chance I could. The nurses had to monitor Dora’s heartbeat while my mom was in the hospital, and while I slept I could hear, Don’t worry Ishika, you’ll get to meet me soon!”’

Before Dora was born, I told my family that pre-med wasn’t for me. It was a little heartbreaking for everyone, but my mom stayed supportive all the way, but my confidence was still low. I didn’t think I was good enough to be there for Dora, and I tried to give up on life, I attempted to end my schooling and escape to another country. I feel so stupid saying that now.

My mom never gave up on me; she told me I didn’t have to return to River Falls, but I needed to get my act together and get myself into a local University. Let’s just say I didn’t even take that seriously until I got the news on February 22, 2015.

Even though my mom’s nephrostomy bag was freezing and her kidney was failing, my mother gave birth to a healthy little girl named Audhora Maimuna Huq, the name I got to choose.

And on February 23, 2015, there she was that little munchkin. When the nurses brought her to the room, she was asleep. She looked like a tiny porcelain doll sleeping in her toy crib. I didn’t want to wake her up, so I didn’t hold her right away, but when I put my hand on that little munchkin’s blanket, she knew I was here.

She opened her eyes right away and looked at me; I knew what she wanted to say, See Ishika, I’m here, I told you I’m coming for you now that I’m here show me how to live my life!”

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The single greatest moment of my life was when I met my baby sister. She didn’t see my mistakes; she didn’t see my bad decisions, all she saw was her big sister waiting for her to save me.

Since the day I met Dora, I started to take school more seriously. I managed to get into North Hennepin Community College where I discovered my interest in Communication Studies. From North Hennepin, I transferred to Saint Catherine University and received my Bachelors of Science in Communication Studies.

My relationship with my family has grown significantly, and I’m the elder sister my siblings love. I also got my driver’s license on Dora’s first Valentine’s day. My dad was so happy he purchased my first car on Dora’s first birthday. My mom still has kidney complications and her health has weakened significantly, but she’s tries to stay healthy for all of us, especially for our little munchkin.

I live every single day for Dora, to show her I can do it! That little munchkin never gave up on me even inside my mother. She stayed strong through the surgeries and the pain because she knew that I needed her.

I hope Dora understands how much she changed my life one day, I tell her every single day, but come on! She’s only five, what do you expect? She knows that she’s special to me, and I guess that’s all that matters.

Even the tiniest little person can have the strongest heartbeat with a lot to say. Thank you, Dora, for saving my life and guiding me all the way.

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