Our Heartbreaking Christmas

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Christmas didn’t turn out the way I thought it would this year. My mum was in Bangladesh shopping for my wedding reception and Shehab spent Christmas in New York. It would have been his first Christmas in the United States, but he needed a little vacation and needed to be with family. I think space was right for us, I’ve been so stressed and frustrated that I wasn’t much fun to be around. It was hard not having my mother around as well. I tried my best to remain energetic and happy for Dora. I even made up for our forgetful Tooth Fairy moment.

Dora and me

I managed to cook my traditional Christmas dinner: Lamb Roast, herb roasted red potatoes, buttered asparagus, and dinner rolls. Preenon brought a Pumpkin pie on his way from school and instead of wine we had sparkling juice. I would say dinner was a semi success since I overcooked the lamb.I wish I paid attention more to our dinner or to the fact that nonstick roasting pans produce a lot more gas. As a result, our Parakeets, Pumpkin, and Blueberry died on Christmas day. (Birds, especially Parakeets are very sensitive to CO2. They weren’t in the kitchen. However, the small amount of CO2 spread throughout the house. Blueberry was at the bottom of the cage when I found her and Pumpkin died in Dora’s arms.

Christmas_Dinner_Dora

I couldn’t hold back the tears when I found Blueberry at the bottom of the cage and after Pumpkin died. I kissed her a couple of times (even though I shouldn’t have because at the time I didn’t know why she died). We adopted Blueberry from Petsmart and Pumpkin from the Humane Society. Pumpkin had been in a couple of homes before we adopted her. The Humane Society said she must have been abused because she did not like people. We were told that it wasn’t safe to adopt her because she might bite Dora. Before we adopted Pumpkin she lived in a nursing home but they surrendered her because they couldn’t give her enough attention.

We still decided to give it a try, when we went to visit Pumpkin at the Humane Society she responded to Dora right away. We couldn’t touch her, but she enjoyed talking and interacting with Dora. We used to let her out of the cage, and she would wander the house freely exploring. The best thing about Pumpkin was she would always return to her cage. We adopted Blueberry a month later. Blueberry was a little more playful at first she loved sitting on Dora’s shoulders but eventually she liked being alone.

It was always fun to watch Pumpkin and Blueberry interact. They knew exactly when they wanted to sleep, 9:00 p.m. every night and when they wanted to wake up, 7:30 a.m. if everyone else was awake. You could never leave the house without saying, “Goodbye Pumpkin, Goodbye Blueberry.” I miss them! They were family.

P&B
Pumpkin and Blueberry’s deaths taught me something. It made me realize how I had become negligent and disconnected from everyone. I allowed frustration get to the best to me to the point where I didn’t notice the warning signs until it was too late. I don’t think I could have changed the turn of events.  I didn’t know that non-stick pans produce more gas. However, I could have given Blueberry a better last moment. Pumpkin died in Dora’s arms covered with my kisses. Their deaths made me realize that life is precious and that you have one chance to make a difference in this world. Pumpkin was breaking her barrier and showing us that a second chance at trust was possible made me realize that I need to break my walls. Pumpkin never lets us touch her; she was very clear about her boundaries. However, she enjoyed exploring the house. She would often walk to different rooms and observe what we were doing. December 25, 2015, is a day I will always remember, it was the day we lost Pumpkin and Blueberry, but it was also a day for me to remember that a second chance at the trust is possible.

PumpkinandBlueberry

How I ended up blogging again

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It’s 2015; more I’m finding myself living in an absolute fantasy and disaster. I’ve written so many blogs in the past, and they never seem to stick, until you reach that moment when everything comes together. So what happened in 2015?

So what happened in 2015?

I got engaged on May 8, 2015, and by July 22, 2015, I was married to someone I had only met January of that year. It sounds crazy, but to us it felt right. I guess I ended up with my Disney Princess Fairytale until reality hit. Don’t get me wrong I married my prince charming, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I+H Engagment-54

However…
When we decided to get married, we never realized that there were many more components to marriage than husband and wife and building a foundation together. Shehab and I are family oriented individuals, but sometimes families have different perspectives and norms. We had a hard time adjusting to each other’s environments, me more than him. Every family has their form of communication and interaction. As respect to my husband, I will not be sharing his personal family stories on this blog.
Location, where are we going to live? I love living in Minnesota even though the snow is a bit of a bother, Shahab’s dream is to either take over his dad’s business in Bangladesh or work on Wall Street in New York? So how were we going to make our jobs work? Are careers more important than our marriage? We’re both very passionate individuals, especially when it comes to fulfilling our dreams and let’s just say Shehab is willing to settle more than me. I’m quite stubborn to be completely honest; sometimes I wonder how Shehab’s going handle this in the future.
Which leads to the next component of marriage, compromise. I had a Communications professor who once said, excuse my language, “compromise is bull sh*t!” marriage should be about making each other happy and doing what’s best for each other. But how do you do that when you both want different things right?

Here’s another piece of the puzzle…

See Shehab and I live far from each other and since he’s still in school and I’m working, well we see each other on the weekends!

So we haven’t been able to live together and create that family foundation.That’s when we realized that we faced a ton of obstacles in the couple short months we were dating. One being getting his dad’s approval. (Yep, we had to get his dad’s approval to date.) And as much as the anticipation hurt, it made me realize that the entire time, Shehab stayed strong as always told me we could do it. We were a team and we decided to stay together

Now I just highlighted the obstacles we faced, but to be completely honest, this guy does make me feel like a Princess. Now I just highlighted the conflicts we faced, but to be completely honest, this guy makes me feel like a Princess.
The thing that we had to realize: there’s always going to be conflict but in the end it’s about helping each other understand and working through our problems. We decided to take one day at a time, even though I’m someone who’s constantly stressing about the future.
And this is I’m sitting here, writing a blog again trying to understand what exactly happened in 2015, and it’s only November, but you know what. I’m not the only one who struggled with the obstacles and joys of marriage. As many of the ladies in my Bengali community constantly say, “we’ve all been through this…” Sometimes it just helps to have the heads up right.
Well here’s the hard truth, Disney movies always end with the wedding, and they never present us with the aftermath of marriage, not to say that I don’t love marriage. But there’s always other components to marriage than the dazzling Happy Ever After’s in the movies.You’ve got to enjoy all the happy memories and learn from the obstacles if you truly want to have your fairy tale happy ever after. Looking back, I would do it again! There’s more to love and marriage than a happy ending, it’s an abstract adventure of love, friendship, trust, pain, and hope.
So why did I create the Abstract of Ishq (love)? Abstract of Ishq is a place for me to share my journey. To understand my past, present and future endeavors and to face the obstacles life and crazy surprises life has planned for me. At least I’m not going through it alone! I have my husband and my silly baby sister by my side.

I+H Engagment-53 - Copy

 

In the end, it’s all about the journey.

*The photo above was from our Engagement on May 8, 2015. The photograph was taken by Altamish + Hannan Photography