The start of our Love Story

posted in: Journey of Love, Marriage | 0

LoveStory

 

I always told myself I would never get married within six months. I kind of feel like a hypocrite now, since that’s what happened! Yep, Shehab and I got married on a day less than six months of our first date. To some, it might sound like a chaotic nightmare. To me, well I’ll get back to you on that.

I don’t regret it, though. Looking back, we’ve had our ups and downs, and it’s only been four months. You could say we haven’t experienced the reality of marriage since I haven’t had my official reception yet, and we only live together on the weekends! Now that’s another story.

I know everyone is probably wondering, how did Shehab meet Ishika? Well here’s how the story goes.

Shehab had been living in the Minnesota since 2013 perusing a Master’s in Business Administration. On April 26, 2014, we went attended the same show at his University. The irony, we have pictures of him sitting right next to my mom! We never noticed each other until the following year. Our family friend was having his Islamic akth on January 18, 2015, Shehab and I both attended the holud ceremony on January 16, 2015. He had just returned from a visit to Bangladesh.

The bride was only a couple of years older than me, and I knew this wedding would lead to the magical question of, “so when is it your turn?” And that’s something I did not want to deal with hearing.

Flashback to the past.

My aunt brought my first proposal when I was seventeen, barely done with high school and I completely freaked out! Since then people had been fearful of bringing me a proposal, I mean I was barely done with high school! My mom always defended me, though, any proposal that came was given directly to me because it was my decision. My aunt and I would have a discussion every year about me being “ready” for marriage. How do you know if you’re ready, without speaking to the guy! My answer was always, “I’ll meet the guy, but I can’t guarantee anything!” She never came back until the following year; it was a fun cycle while it lasted.

Back to the wedding, so like I said I did not want to deal with the…” so you’re next!” or “when is it your turn?” so I spent a majority of my time hiding in different rooms since they had the holud and akht in the house. I guess Shehab spotted me in a single moment when I would peek out into the living room every now and then. I did recall him looking at me and talking to his brother-in-law, which caused me to go back into hiding.

Within that moment, Shehab decided that he needed to get my number. *Shehab later admitted that it was solely to date me; he never thought we would end up married. Anyways he didn’t ask for my number right there and then… He waited until the day of the akht on January 18, and even then it was a little bit of a challenge. I went into hiding the second day as well.

This is how I remember it… I came out to view the ceremony. There was a red couch in the middle of the living room. My dad sat on one end and the other end, next to a couch on a chair was Shehab’s aunt. Trust me this detail is important. They had just served cake, and Shehab sat right next to me. His first words to me, “Aren’t you going to have some cake”? Clever pick up line right!?! This lead into a conversation about cakes because our family friend, the elder sister of the bride makes amazing desserts and she’s finally releasing her yummy recipes at Dolly Loves Food.

So here we’re having our conversation about cakes and his brother-in-law walks by with a nudge and says, “Hey you should tell her about your dad’s business”. And I’m thinking what am I getting myself into? Side Note: Shehab’s dad owns a garments business in Bangladesh that supplies many clothing items to some of the top retailers.

Anyways so he started talking to me about his garments and slowly transitioned into the “Can I get your number?” While my dad sat on one side of me and his aunt on the other!

We started texting after that, but, to be honest; I had no idea that he liked me. On January 23, 2015, he had to attend a conference and on his way home texted me asking if he could see me and have coffee. We ended up going to a Mexican restaurant by my house, and I still had no idea that this was a date…until the next day when he came to my house for my dad’s birthday.

Oh, so how did that happen… well when he came to drop me off at home, my mom invited him and his mom to my dad’s birthday party. She thought it would be nice for his mom to meet more people. Let’s just say both mother and daughter were shocked the next day when Shehab told me he liked me.

Now when did Shehab go from just wanting to date me to falling in love and wanting to marry me?

When my mom invited him to our house, he looked at me and said, “My mom is going to kill me, I never told her I was coming here.”

My response, “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at my dad’s party if your mom doesn’t kill you and if she does, I guess I’ll see you at your funeral!”

And that’s the story of how Ishika met Shehab and Shehab fell in love with Ishika…

I+H Engagment-50

I should probably clarify some of the terms referenced in this blog posts.

Holud- a pre-ceremony where a yellow paste is placed on the bride and groom’s body as a form of well wishes and luck for their marriage.

Akht- also known as Nikah- this is the Islamic marriage.

How did your love story begin?

*The photo above was from our Engagement on May 8, 2015. The photograph was taken by Altamish + Hannan Photography

 

How I ended up blogging again

posted in: Abstract Life, Journal | 0

It’s 2015; more I’m finding myself living in an absolute fantasy and disaster. I’ve written so many blogs in the past, and they never seem to stick, until you reach that moment when everything comes together. So what happened in 2015?

So what happened in 2015?

I got engaged on May 8, 2015, and by July 22, 2015, I was married to someone I had only met January of that year. It sounds crazy, but to us it felt right. I guess I ended up with my Disney Princess Fairytale until reality hit. Don’t get me wrong I married my prince charming, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I+H Engagment-54

However…
When we decided to get married, we never realized that there were many more components to marriage than husband and wife and building a foundation together. Shehab and I are family oriented individuals, but sometimes families have different perspectives and norms. We had a hard time adjusting to each other’s environments, me more than him. Every family has their form of communication and interaction. As respect to my husband, I will not be sharing his personal family stories on this blog.
Location, where are we going to live? I love living in Minnesota even though the snow is a bit of a bother, Shahab’s dream is to either take over his dad’s business in Bangladesh or work on Wall Street in New York? So how were we going to make our jobs work? Are careers more important than our marriage? We’re both very passionate individuals, especially when it comes to fulfilling our dreams and let’s just say Shehab is willing to settle more than me. I’m quite stubborn to be completely honest; sometimes I wonder how Shehab’s going handle this in the future.
Which leads to the next component of marriage, compromise. I had a Communications professor who once said, excuse my language, “compromise is bull sh*t!” marriage should be about making each other happy and doing what’s best for each other. But how do you do that when you both want different things right?

Here’s another piece of the puzzle…

See Shehab and I live far from each other and since he’s still in school and I’m working, well we see each other on the weekends!

So we haven’t been able to live together and create that family foundation.That’s when we realized that we faced a ton of obstacles in the couple short months we were dating. One being getting his dad’s approval. (Yep, we had to get his dad’s approval to date.) And as much as the anticipation hurt, it made me realize that the entire time, Shehab stayed strong as always told me we could do it. We were a team and we decided to stay together

Now I just highlighted the obstacles we faced, but to be completely honest, this guy does make me feel like a Princess. Now I just highlighted the conflicts we faced, but to be completely honest, this guy makes me feel like a Princess.
The thing that we had to realize: there’s always going to be conflict but in the end it’s about helping each other understand and working through our problems. We decided to take one day at a time, even though I’m someone who’s constantly stressing about the future.
And this is I’m sitting here, writing a blog again trying to understand what exactly happened in 2015, and it’s only November, but you know what. I’m not the only one who struggled with the obstacles and joys of marriage. As many of the ladies in my Bengali community constantly say, “we’ve all been through this…” Sometimes it just helps to have the heads up right.
Well here’s the hard truth, Disney movies always end with the wedding, and they never present us with the aftermath of marriage, not to say that I don’t love marriage. But there’s always other components to marriage than the dazzling Happy Ever After’s in the movies.You’ve got to enjoy all the happy memories and learn from the obstacles if you truly want to have your fairy tale happy ever after. Looking back, I would do it again! There’s more to love and marriage than a happy ending, it’s an abstract adventure of love, friendship, trust, pain, and hope.
So why did I create the Abstract of Ishq (love)? Abstract of Ishq is a place for me to share my journey. To understand my past, present and future endeavors and to face the obstacles life and crazy surprises life has planned for me. At least I’m not going through it alone! I have my husband and my silly baby sister by my side.

I+H Engagment-53 - Copy

 

In the end, it’s all about the journey.

*The photo above was from our Engagement on May 8, 2015. The photograph was taken by Altamish + Hannan Photography

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