Seeing your soul in the people I love

posted in: Family, Journey of Love | 0

Eight years ago today I lost my Nanna, (maternal grandfather). I still remember the scenario like it was yesterday. I was in my senior year of high school about to attend my physics class when my younger sister Rayka ran to my locker. Ishika did you hear? Nanna died?


The last photograph with my Nanna August 2007.

I’m going to sound horrible, but I didn’t cry. I was in complete shock, my body became numb, it felt like I was day dreaming. We knew that Nanna was suffering for years, he had Parkinson’s diseases. We just didn’t realize it he would leave us so fast.

It wasn’t until I saw his body the following day in Illinois when I realized my Nanna’s soul had left this Earth. And even then I couldn’t cry.

Looking back, I realized why I didn’t cry. I was always with him. There was never a time when I didn’t spend time with him, and it was time for him to rest in peace.

I had an incident on New Years Eve when it was just my Nanna and me. He had broken his hip, so he was bed ridden. The Parkison’s disease also got the best of his mind, and it was slowly deteriorating. He always remembered who I was, though, I was his eldest grandchild, and I like to believe that I was also his favorite.
I was getting his dinner ready for him; Chicken, rice, some veggies, lentils, and water. I brought the tray up to his room. My mom told me not to leave his side when he ate, but I needed to go to the bathroom. It was literally five minutes, ok probably a couple minutes more.

I came back, and the plate was complete upside down! The tray covered with water, and there was a drumstick in the water glass! I know right! And my Nanna, well he was just sitting there smiling like a cheeky little five-year-old, the kind of look I see in Dora’s face. And when I say five-year-old, well I asked him how it happened, and his response, “I don’t know.”

Don’t worry I cleaned everything up, but till this day I always remember his cheeky little smile.

It wasn’t until today when I couldn’t control my tears anymore. My mom wrote a piece about how she missed him and how she wished that he was here meet Dora, to see me as a bride and to meet Shehab for the first time.

I see a lot of my Nanna in Shehab.
I see his soft heart.
His need to make me smile.
How no matter how stubborn I get, he’s always there to handle it. However, nothing beats my Nanna.

I can still recall a memory from my childhood; I’m not sure why but I became quite angry with my Nanna. I took all the lotion and perfume bottles on the dresser, and I threw them on the ground. My Nanna just stood there watching me. Afterward picked up each item and just hugged me.


This photo was taken in Bangladesh January 1992 

Don’t worry Shehab has never experienced one of my childhood tantrums, he has experienced some mean yelling sprees, though.

My Nanna never gave up one me; he always made me like I was the most beautiful, confident and strongest woman in the world.

Sometimes the people you miss with all your heart shine through the people you love the most.  I see my Nanna’s heart in my husband’s soul and his cheeky little smile in my baby sister’s smile.